


Recollection

by MooksMookin



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Gen, M/M, also there's Chimera Ant spoilers so dont read this if you dont want that, i can never figure out what to tag these things as, idk whether or not to actually put this in the killugon relationship tag but, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2015-10-26
Packaged: 2018-04-28 06:08:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5080630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MooksMookin/pseuds/MooksMookin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gon had always been looking at him. Now he couldn't anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Recollection

**Author's Note:**

> i debated going through the entire series again so i could be as accurate as possible. but. yknow. that might be a bit. too much.
> 
> this isn't beta read btw. i just kinda... spewed words out and went over it once. apologies for any mistakes.
> 
> also sorry if this has been done or something before, or if its like... unoriginal or whatever. idk im so used to reading AUs or canon divergent stuff so i dunno.

_Gon was looking at him._

During the Hunter Exam, when he had rolled up next to Gon on his skateboard. Gon's smile had been blinding, untainted, as they introduced themselves to each other.

When they were waiting in the side room for 50 hours due to Leorio's loss, throwing a pillow back and forth.

When the first buds of friendship began to blossom.

_Gon was looking at him._

When he went downstairs, impatient and suspicious of how long they were taking to arrive. Gon had a multitude of bandages on his face, but his smile was as bright as ever when they left. The two of them bid farewell to Leorio and Kurapika, a promise binding the four of them together.

_Gon was looking at him._

In front of Heavens Arena, his cheeks burning after Gon had complimented him.

After Gon's fight with Gido, with his arm broken and not a hint of regret on his face. When they were taught the basics of _Nen_ by Wing.

After Gon's intense fight with Hisoka, standing in front of Heavens Arena as they bid farewell to Wing and Zushi. Gon had asked him to come with him to Whale Island, the place he was raised, and how could he say no?

_Gon was looking at him._

Showing him excitedly around the island, messing around and having fun. He learned what a real family was like, not one based off of killing and torture.

Under the stars, near a campfire. He voiced his feelings of uncertainty of where he should go. Gon brushed his worries away, giving him a purpose. Telling Killua to stay with him. It was embarrassing, filling his chest with an unexplainable, heart warming ache. His stomach clenched; he was unable to stop himself from smiling. It was strange, but he didn't dislike it. So he stayed.

_Gon was looking at him._

When they traveled to Yorknew and ended up getting captured by the Phantom Troupe.

When he offered to be a decoy, and Gon hit him over the head, yelling at him that he wasn't allowed to throw his life away.

When they escaped, Gon patting him on the back and telling him it was his job to stop Gon from making stupid decisions.

_Gon was looking at him._

When they finally made it Greed Island. Exploring together. Training together. _Being_ together.

During the dodgeball game, when Gon had explained to Tsezguerra that he couldn't switch out with Killua.

"Only Killua can do it."

And his heart filled with such a pure, overwhelming feeling of happiness, he had to look at the floor so no one could see him smile.

_Gon was looking at him._

When Kite took them with him on a mission investigating the NGL and the Chimera Ants.

When they fought against the Ants along with Kite.

When one of the Royal Guards suddenly appeared in front of them. Kite pushed them out of the way, getting his arm cut off in the process. Killua had no choice but to run, knocking out Gon and taking off with him.

_Gon was looking at him._

In their hotel room, when Gon assured him that Kite was still alive, and his eyes and smile were so blinding Killua had no choice but to look away.

When Gon went on a date with Palm, and Killua had kept a watchful eye over them the entire time. A Chimera Ant had found him, and he was desperate, so desperate, to protect Gon when he couldn't protect himself. Because he cared about Gon so much, it bubbled up and overflowed from his eyes.

_Gon was looking at him...?_

When their group meet up in the castle in Peijin, where Kite was sealed away. Gon had walked away, shoulders scrunched and a dangerous look in his eye, growling that he wanted the Chimera Ant responsible to himself.

When Morel had tested Gon, asking Gon to attack him like he was that Ant. Gon had built up so much aura that Killua had to put a hand on his shoulder and tell him to stop.  


_ Was Gon looking at him? _

When they jumped over to the entrance where the Chimera Ant was inside, and he had to hold down the questions he had, the doubts in his heart. All for Gon. Always for Gon.

_ Gon wasn't looking at him. _

In __ the small room where the Chimera Ant was healing a human. Gon had yelled and screamed, his aura bursting out in a terrifying storm of rage.

_ Gon wouldn't look at him. _

"It must be so easy for you Killua."

A knife must've stabbed into his chest and began carving something out, because there was a painful, empty black hole spreading through him.

"Since it has nothing to do with you."

Someone must've been squeezing his lungs, because he suddenly couldn't breathe.

_ Gon wasn't looking at him. _

He broke down in front of Palm, unable to hold the tears back any longer. He tried to sob out the hole in his chest, the one that wouldn't leave no matter how much he tried smother it by helping others.

_ _ Gon's back was the only thing he could see. _ _

There was something wrong. He ran and ran as fast as he could, but he wasn't able make it in time. At first, his mind was blank with shock. Then, a pit of dread and fear sank deep into his stomach. He watched the person in front of him slam their fist down again, and again, and again, and again. Gon's name left his lips in a shaky breath, and the person's fist stopped as they turned towards him, eyes devoid of emotion.

"Killua..."

_ This wasn't Gon. _

The Chimera Ant's dead body suddenly sprang up, leaping at Gon in one last attempt at killing him. Gon's arm was cut off, and a sickening numbness took over Killua's mind.

_ Stop. _

He could do nothing but watch as Gon took his amputated arm and pinned the Chimera Ant's body to the ground.

_ That's enough...! _

The numbness evaporated and his mind suddenly kicked into overdrive as Gon crouched down, blood mixing with aura as it formed one last _Jajanken_.

_ If you go on like this..!! _

He screamed out Gon's name, complete and utter panic rushing through him. Gon looked back at him as the light from his attack became almost blinding, his expression melting into sorrow. Anguish. Regret.

He watched as Gon fell to the ground, his body reverting back to 12 years old. His hair was the only thing that didn't change back. It spread over the ground in a stream of ink. Killua's mind went completely blank, his movements almost mechanical in nature as he walked over to Gon, heaving him up onto his back. As he walked, Gon's hair dragged behind them, as if leaving a trail to the Chimera Ant's destroyed body.

_ Gon couldn't look at him  anymore. _

**Author's Note:**

> so like this is my second attempt at writing a HxH fic, though i've had plenty of AUs and ideas and the such. im terrible at planning and actually writing things, so... if you ever want to talk or geek out about things you can hit me up on my tumblr, hisobruh.


End file.
